Tag Archives: Autism

Advocacy For One, Advocacy For All

June 6, 2012 By in Community Tags: , , , , , , , , , 5 Comments

Alex, from Bully, touched my heart.

And then I explained to him how naive we were, that the world did know and remained silent. And that is why I swore never to be silent whenever and wherever human beings endure suffering and humiliation. We must take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Sometimes we must interfere. When human lives are endangered, when human dignity is in jeopardy, national borders and sensitivities become irrelevant. Elie Wiesel from Night

I went to see the movie Bully last night. I left more glad than ever that I am telling our story. Glad that I am not being quiet. I am here to say I have worked with good school administrators. They care about kids and are motivated to do whatever it takes to make sure the kids in their schools are receiving the best services possible and I am so very grateful for their efforts. And unfortunately I am here to also say I have worked with administrators that aren’t good at their jobs. I have wondered if they cared. It’s so hard to imagine people not caring. But their actions, and inactions, were stunning and begged me to ask, “Do they care?”

I know what it is like to sit across from a teacher, a principal, a special education director and dump out your heart, show them psychological evaluations and share the most private of details of your child’s life and then look in their eyes and see nothing has registered with them. It’s like they can’t, or maybe won’t, comprehend the words I had spoken.

My son needs your help.

My son dreads coming to school.

My son was so upset he wet himself and you sent home on the school bus in his wet clothes.

My son hit the kid because that kid continually calls him names and he knows no other way to protect himself and knows you have done nothing to stop it.

I might sound like a broken record with all of this, but I will go on, because I know what was shown in Bully does happen.

Because it happened to us.

And thank God my son was one of the lucky ones.

We sued the school system to get him help.

There are some kids who haven’t been so lucky and they paid with their lives.

So I will go on telling our story and encouraging others to speak up and act out if they too find themselves in a situation where their child is in danger.

I will also keep saying if you need help, if you need someone to listen, I am here, you have a friend, and you are not alone.

Charlotte

Teddy v. County Board of Education

June 1, 2012 By in The K-3rd Grade Years Tags: , , , , , , , , , 10 Comments

 

On February 24, 2000, we met with a special education attorney on behalf of our son, Teddy, who has Aspergers and at the time was a third grader placed in a self-contained Emotionally Conflicted classroom. We could no longer simply ask the school system to do the right thing. We had been doing so for a year and a half to no avail. So, we went nuclear. It was sad, pathetic really, that we had to hire an attorney to get the school system to do their jobs and do right by a child.

Later that day, the following law suit was sent to the State Superintendent of Education. I have typed the paperwork exactly, only changing the names and omitting the name of our school system. By doing so I wish to share with readers what a due process suit looks like, the charges filed and the remedies requested. It is my hope, if you are the parent of a child needing services, that this is the only special education law suit you will ever see.

Teddy v. County Board of Education

Please be advised that this firm represents Charlotte and Neal (hereinafter “Petitioners”) and their son, Teddy relating to the child’s educational program in the County Public School System (hereinafter the “System”). Pursuant to 20 U.S.C. 1415(f). I am hereby requesting an impartial due process hearing due to the System’s failure to comply with the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act as reauthorized in 1997 and Title V of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973. Specifically, the System has failed to provide Teddy with a free appropriate public education as set forth in more detail hereinafter. The undersigned reserves the right to amend this request for an impartial due process hearing to identify additional issues after she has had an opportunity to review the student’s complete educational record.

I am by copy of this letter providing the System with notice of this request for an impartial due process hearing. I am also hereby requesting that within 10 days of hereof the System provide me with a complete copy of any and all records in its possession of whatsoever nature relating to the Petitioner, including but not limited to, audio tapes, video tapes, reports, records and documents of any kind held or stored by the System, by any teacher, administrator or any agent of the System.

The system has failed to comply with the requirements of IDEA during the years 1998-99 and 1999-2000 in each of the following respects:

(1) failed to prepare and implement an Individualized Education Program, including goals and benchmarks which address this student’s needs, (2) failed to prepare and implement an individualized behavioral intervention plan which is appropriate to this student’s disability, (3) failed to provide for and/or to implement modifications and/or accommodations in the regular educational setting to allow this student to have access to the general curriculum and a free appropriate public education, (4) failed to provide related services including counseling and parent and teacher support to address behavioral issues, (5) failed to provide a behavioral aide or other personnel to assist in allowing the student to have access to the general curriculum, (6) placed this child in an environment which was inappropriate and detrimental to his behavioral issues, (7) failed to take any action to remove the child from an inappropriate environment, and (8) failed to provide personnel who were appropriately trained and knowledgeable about this student’s needs.

The following relief is sought in this case:

(1) the preparation of an IEP under the supervision and direction of an individual who has demonstrated expertise and academic training relating to autism and training and expertise relating to the preparation of IEP’s, (2) the preparation of an IEP which addresses all identified areas of need, including but not limited to social, behavioral and academic needs and incorporates the student’s  present levels of performance, delineates measurable benchmarks which relate to the present level of performance, identifies with specificity the individual responsible for teaching the skill and specifies in detail the manner in which the assessment will be conducted, (3) preparation of an individualized behavior intervention plan under the supervision and direction of an individual with expertise in autism, (4) preparation of an IEP which incorporates appropriate accommodations and/or modifications required by this student’s disability, (5) provision of related services, including instruction and/or counseling for parents and teachers to allow them to address this student’s needs and counseling for the student, (6) provision for an aide with adequate training and expertise in the area of autism, (7) placement of the student in the regular classroom, (8) training and ongoing in-service support for the regular classroom teachers and administrators provided by an individual with demonstrated expertise and academic training relating to autism, (9) reimbursement for expenses incurred as a result of the system’s failure to provide a free appropriate public education, and (10) establishment of a reporting process and timelines which allow the parents access to individuals with sufficient authority to require building personnel to implement this student’s IEP.

Pursuant to the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act and the State Administrative Code please appoint a due process hearing officer to hear this case and render a decision within the forty-five day time period required under Federal law. Please notify this office, by facsimile transmission, of the case number assigned to this case and the name of the hearing officer as soon as it is assigned.

Next: It is not without anguish that such a move is made.

Thanks, as always, for reading. It means so much to me that you are here because maybe, by reading and sharing our stories, we can be the difference we want to see in the world. Last fall, when I began this blog and wondered would anyone ever read it, a dear friend posted a comment that lifted my spirits and kept me going…

If everyone would light just one little candle… what a bright world this would be… Press on.

And press on I do.

With a grateful heart,

Charlotte

3rd Grade Math: Aspergers + Emotionally Conflicted Classroom = Lawsuit

May 30, 2012 By in The K-3rd Grade Years Tags: , , , , , , , , 18 Comments

 

If you are going through hell, keep going. Winston Churchill

My last Teddy post was about the day he tore up his classroom. You can read how he learned to do that here. The story picks up the next day, when I called and left a message for the school system’s Autism Specialist. Teddy’s emotional safety was in jeopardy and we needed help.

No response.

I left messages almost daily.  She called back…

ONE WEEK LATER.

And when she called, I wasn’t home. This was 1999, before I had a cell phone, so I missed the call and now it was the start of Christmas vacation and I couldn’t call back. Instead, I took a wonderful break from worrying.

On break Teddy displayed none of the behavioral issues he had during school. What a relief it was to see him relax. Damn it hurts to watch your child suffer. I feel for each and every parent who watches their child in physical or emotional distress. It sucks the life right out of you.

Then, as we all know, breaks end. The first day back at school Teddy threw a chair.

We started the new year, the new decade, the new millennium EXACTLY how we ended the last year, the last decade, the old millennium.

2000 began with me on the phone, once again leaving messages for the Autism Specialist. I was desperate to schedule an IEP meeting, to get everyone together and help Teddy.

When my messages weren’t returned, I called the next person in the chain of command, the Assistant Director of Special Education. When I told her I wanted to request an IEP meeting to do a Functional Behavioral Analysis and Individualized Behavior Management Plan she asked, and I quote,

Has it been determined yet if Teddy is in his current placement because of behavioral reasons?

WTF!

For OVER A YEAR nothing but Teddy’s behavioral issues had been discussed.

For OVER A YEAR the school system insisted he, A CHILD WITH AUTISM, be removed from the general education environment and be placed in an EMOTIONALLY CONFLICTED setting because of HIS BEHAVIOR.

For OVER A YEAR the school system insisted this placement was the best setting for him to “learn how to behave.”

Was she thinking I put my kid in an EC classroom for the kicks?

This woman could not hear what I was telling her. She could not hear the problems my child was having. She could not hear how completely inappropriate Teddy’s setting was. SHE COULD HEAR NOTHING. Her only response was to throw an obstacle in the way of helping my child.

Is that what they teach in Ed school?

Seriously.

Has it been determined yet???

The Assistant Director of Special Education had NOT A CLUE.

She was the first one to suggest the placement because of his behavior. She scheduled our EC classroom tour. And she attended the series of IEP meetings that led to this moment.

Just how STUPID was this woman? And just how many of our tax dollars was she paid to be COMPLETELY INCOMPETENT?

Moreover, never once did she, or any other school personnel feel the slightest bit RESPONSIBLE. There was ABSOLUTELY NO ACCOUNTABILITY for this fucked up situation. None.

And three more weeks passed until I received notice that a meeting was scheduled for February 10th, six weeks after my initial request. Six weeks… the number of weeks Teddy was originally to be in the EC room before being returned to a mainstreamed 3rd grade class.

By the time February 10th and the IEP meeting came, Teddy had been out of school for a week. I refused to send him to school anymore.

We had the meeting… but, officially, we didn’t have a meeting.

This is the cast of characters I met with that day… Teddy’s EC teacher said she didn’t know why we were there. The principal didn’t know Teddy was out of school and they hadn’t arranged an LEA to be present, so I was told we couldn’t have a meeting.

Hell no was my response. It took six weeks, well, six weeks and four months to get to this moment and I wasn’t going to let it pass without making it very clear that I was now demanding Teddy be returned to the general education classroom with an aide. I made it clear this was Teddy’s wish as well.

The only comment the principal made was that she didn’t think she would have an aide available and to get one would mean she might have to take an aide away from another child.

I told them that wasn’t going to happen. Another child’s services WOULD NOT be touched. They were going to have to do whatever they needed to do to help Ted and if I had to, I would call an attorney to make it happen.

“Oh, you don’t need to do that. We all agree he needs an aide.” I was told.

So Teddy returned to the EC room on Monday, February 14 with the understanding plans were being made to get an aide and place him back in the general ed classroom.

On Tuesday, February 22, 12 days after our meeting, the EC teacher called me to say Ted had gotten upset from the loud room. He had been in the time out booth screaming for everyone to be quiet, he left the booth still screaming, she grabbed his arm, hard, and left marks on it. Finally after 40 minutes he fell asleep. He then wet himself while he was sleeping and was sent home on the bus in his soiled clothes.

My eight year old child was so upset he had a bladder accident and then had to walk through school with wet clothes to get on the bus.

That was it.

All of my patience. All of my good will. All of my optimism was gone. It was used up. I was empty.

I was finished with her. Finished with all of them.

I hung up and called an attorney.

Next: The paperwork for Teddy v. County Board of Education is filed.

Charlotte

The Story of Tony, Teddy’s Troubled EC Classmate

May 25, 2012 By in The K-3rd Grade Years Tags: , , , , , , , , 12 Comments

 

These are some of my favorite things people said to me when I struggled over my son Teddy, who has Aspergers, being placed in an emotional conflicted classroom…

“Oh, you just worry too much.”

“Relax. It will be okay.”

Or, a personal favorite,

“They are professionals, they’re trained. They know what they are doing.”

Sure.

You know how sometimes you can hear something and it settles right, it makes sense. And then other times, you hear something and you bristle, it makes you uncomfortable, you just know, instinctively, it isn’t right. Continue reading →

Aspergers, Empathy, Bullying and Suicide

May 23, 2012 By in General Tags: , , , , , , , , , 4 Comments

Good grief… what a title!

What is going in the mind of someone who would write that?

The answer.

Alot.

That misspelling was deliberate so that I could include a favorite drawing and give a shout out to an all-time favorite blog post by Hyperbole and a Half.

Moreover, it was important to me to inject some humor into this post before I launched into, well, a humorless subject.

This morning I read an article on Slate, More Problems For Bully, about a teenage boy, Tyler Long, who had Aspergers and committed suicide. This post is not about Tyler and it is not about the documentary made about his life, Bully. Rather, it’s about Aspergers and empathy and was inspired by a comment that I read after the article.

Okay, confession time here. I have been involved with Aspergers for over 16 years. I have heard for over 16 years how people with Aspergers lack empathy, but when I read this comment, especially the last sentence, and the declaration that someone with Aspergers would have “an easier time taking their own life” because of their absence of empathy, well that really started me thinking about the words I have heard so often and have, a time or two, spoken myself.

He. Lacks. Empathy.

I started wondering, really wondering…

Does he?

Really?

Or have I just parroted what I have heard? What I have been told to think?

OMG, am I, as Ted so likes to say,

A SHEEPLE!

That is, you have to realize, just about the lowest form of human thinking according to Ted.

I need help here, dear readers, I really do.

How does Ted lack empathy?

When he was little (and also labeled Emotionally Disturbed/Conflicted, just like the commenter mentions) he hit kids and because he did, it was said he lacked empathy. School’s thinking was he should know that hitting hurts, and thus should not want to knowingly hurt another child.

He knew hitting hurt. He had so much awareness that hitting hurt that he could articulate it. Read that here.

But he hit kids because THEY CALLED HIM NAMES. He hit them ONLY AFTER they hit him first with their words. They HURT HIM and he DECIDED hurting them back was worth it. In all the incidents that Teddy was involved in, and believe me there were many, he didn’t do the initiating. There was always an antecedent.

His hitting wasn’t an empathy issue. I think, in his six-year-old mind, hitting was about JUSTICE.

That is the wild west of an Aspergers mind.

So still, I remain confused about how Teddy lacked empathy.

When I get confused about something I go back to the basics. Since I am confused about a word, I went to its definition…

empathy |ˈempəTHē|

noun

the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.

Give Teddy high marks then for empathy! He sure did share the feelings of another. When another child was mean to him, he shared it. He regifted their meanness right back to them.

Now, if he was expected to answer their meanness, their teasing, with kindness, a turning of the cheek, well is that really empathy? Instead, I believe that is more a discussion about the ability to execute a higher-level response and asking a six-year-old child to ignore the taunting of classmates with self-control, with personal discipline is extraordinary, Aspergers or not.

So really, truth be told, at least in the case of Teddy, it is not so much empathy he lacked, but rather a lack of numbness towards being picked on? And let me go out on a limb here and propose that perhaps the lack of empathy was from the ADULTS who were completely unable to comprehend the situation and rather than support him, punished him, ignored the perpetrators and neglected to model for him appropriate behaviors when cruelty was shown to him.

Help me reader. Am I completely missing what lacking empathy is?