The following is a letter I wrote after the worst IEP meeting I ever attended. I sat and listened to a group of education professionals, who I thought were supposed to have my child’s best interests in mind, itemize everything Teddy “did to them” while not once addressing a single strength or the possibility they just might have contributed to his struggles. This was my attempt to point out what I saw as the contributing factors to Teddy’s regression.
May 24, 1999
Dear Members of Teddy’s IEP Committee and concerned others,
I am writing this letter to address issues that were not discussed at the May 21, 1999 IEP gathering. Overall, the tone of the meeting was very negative. It is crucial, in preparing a worthy IEP for Ted, to fully examine his history and that means more than just a discussion of his problems. Ted has had so much success and that was completely omitted this past Friday. It is very relative to examine what happened from Ted’s kindergarten year to his first grade year. We had the same child, two different teachers and very different results. This is very telling. We must also address that, in Ted, we have two exceptionalities, Asperger’s and Gifted. He is NOT Emotionally Conflicted. It is also important to remember that we are only considering this placement to accommodate the school system, not Ted. It is our preference he attend his zoned elementary school but they do not have a full-time staffed resource room that he could go to when the pressures of a mainstreamed classroom are too great. Nor, despite our many requests, is the school system willing to provide Ted an aide.
First, let’s revisit Ted’s wonderful kindergarten year. It was said by the special education teachers in the spring of 1998, “At the beginning of the year Ted was the student we were most concerned about, by the end of the year, he was the student we were least concerned about.”
Ted’s kindergarten teacher was firm, had clear behavioral expectations yet was very loving. He felt safe, secure and loved. He was provided the social supports so needed by a child with Asperger’s Syndrome and excelled.
When Ted began 1st grade, everything changed. The crucial elements of love, security and acceptance were removed. He had a rigid teacher with whom he felt very uncomfortable. He no longer felt safe and secure. He was under a behavioral magnifying glass. He did however behave in one on one situations. Ted went to the library as a “safe place” from his classroom and peers and he felt very secure with the staff and was not a behavioral problem there. He also went to the resource room every afternoon, another place he felt safe, and had no problems there either.
In addition to Asperger’s Syndrome, Ted is gifted. Very gifted. He has scored as high as 160 on IQ and academic achievement tests. I think this issue wasn’t addressed appropriately at the May 21st meeting. Ted sat in a 1st grade class spending the morning learning to read. As I have stated before, my son started reading his first words at 2 ½ and has read books since he was five. Yes, he needed phonics skills, but can you imagine how boring it must have been to spend three hours each morning learning to read when he already can?
The 1st grade math book was review for him. When we began homeschooling on January 26, 1999, we began on page 125. On February 12 he finished page 372. My son, in 15 minutes breezed through 16-17 pages of math a day with comments such as, “That was so easy. I already knew this.” The most challenging problems, at the end of the book, were 30+40 and 8+5+5. By April, Ted was doing three-digit addition and subtraction regrouping. It took getting to four digit regrouping and multiplication for him to start showing signs of being challenged. Can you imagine how bored he was in math class doing 5-0 and 4+4?
Finally, I address the question of whether Ted is “addicted to the computer.” As I said on Friday, NO he is not. In Ted’s 1st grade science class they learned, in his own frustrated words, “That the earth hasn’t always looked the way it does now.” Yes, Ted uses the computer a lot. He reads a lot too. He also plays a lot. It is because of this that he can tell you about the Big Bang Theory. He can tell you about the geological stages of the earth’s development and he can tell you how the Colorado River carved the Grand Canyon. My son loves knowledge, and I might add it is not “trivial knowledge” as it was referred to in Friday’s meeting.
He loves to learn and my son knows that it takes these supplemental avenues to provide the enrichment he craves. Good for him! Bravo! It is absolutely wonderful that a seven-year old can do that. It is wonderful a seven-year old WANTS to do that! We should celebrate his awesome mind and work like crazy to feed it rather than restrict it so he fits “better” into the confines of our school system. His intelligence and quest to learn are his ticket to success. He isn’t ever going to be a “social” person. He may one day discover the mystery of the universe or cure cancer, but he probably will never be student body president.
Again, can you imagine how bored he was in 1st grade science? And now I ask the fundamental education question. What does a child do in class when they are bored? And moreover with a teacher who does not like him? He acts out!
By writing this letter and taking the stand that there were external contributing factors to Ted’s deterioration this past year, I am not trying to excuse away his actions. My son has behavioral issues – I do NOT deny that. My goodness, I live with him 24 hours a day! We are trying to address these issues head on. We are trying to help him with his social skills that are naturally affected by Asperger’s. We are sending him to weekly hour-long counseling sessions to help him with his anger, aggression and intolerance, which I openly admit are very major issues in his life. My son is more in tune with himself than he may appear. On May 19, when discussing feelings with his counselor he told her he ALWAYS feels the following: bright, bored and mad. Wow! These are the ways he feels and we must all help him to address these issues in his life.
Ted is not old enough to attend his own IEP meetings. That is a decision that I made for him. But let’s all remember his feelings when we actually write his IEP. Out of respect to Ted, to his honesty, to his intelligence and to his behavioral needs, as the adults in his life, who he depends on for guidance and support, let’s put together a plan that will serve this unique child and provide him all the opportunities he so richly deserves and hasn’t received in a year.
Coming Up: A Bright, Bored and Mad Ted Goes to the Emotionally Conflicted Classroom.
Charlotte, your frustration is palpable. We have a very different set of issues, but in their own way they are similar to your experience, in that the Board of Education does NOT have Emma’s best interests in mind. They have no idea how to cope with this burgeoning population of children who do not “fit” into their out dated and archaic system. In this way, absolutely NOTHING has changed, except that they have better lawyers now to fight those of us who have taken them on through the judicial system.
Ariane, Yipes! Your comment made me more glad than ever that we are out of the system. So many comments to make to your comment…
1. Most importantly… thank you for your comments. Hearing from you reassures that “fear” of mine that I am just nuts for writing this blog. Like, who cares, right? And then you write and I am like, she cares. Wow! It makes my day.
2. The more I think of it, the educational system seems to exist, like so many institutions, for the institution itself. I will write more on that later.
3. My husband and I have discussed the very same point you make. We have a factory-style educational system that hasn’t changed in a century and still gears itself to a factory-style way of life.
4. I can’t even imagine what it is like in the schools today. Teddy’s biggest issue was he was the only one, the first one, and they didn’t know what to do. Now there is this abundance. Is there just MORE of the schools not knowing what to do? Have they learned from the Teddys? Oh, I want to hope so.
Finally, I am so glad our lawyer was better than their lawyer. It became our only way.
My best to you and yours.
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This blog makes me sad. I have an unofficial diagnosis of Aspergers and thankfully was able to navigate the school years without “major” issues to my education (if you don’t count the fact that I failed nearly every class in middle school, but went on to pass the harder classes in high school). I’m almost 28 and now I’m fighting with the school for my daughter who has autism. She is SO smart and yet the school wont make accommodations for her. The child who has been reading chapter books since the age of four has dropped her reading grade a whole letter because of the way the tests are written. I can look at the test and tell you why she got the answer wrong. There is no communication between me and her teacher. I’ve gone to the guidance counselor to try to get services for her. I’ve written specific examples of ways she would benefit from Speech Therapy and OT, and she’s still can’t get an IEP. We tried getting a 504, but she’s not failing any of her subjects, so she doesn’t qualify. We threw a “hail mary” pass with having her tested for gifted, but while she qualifies academically, she isn’t creative enough… That’s pretty much what the paper said. She was put in Kindergarten at the age of 4 because she needed the routine and the Pre-k was too lax for her. This apparently qualifies as an intervention and so they wont give her any gifted services either. I’m so frustrated. She brings home homework that is half a page of counting money… A skill I taught her, at her request, when she was five. She’s six years old and in the second grade. They are teaching her skills she was taught before she even started first grade! I had to stop teaching her multiplication because she was getting in trouble at school where they were learning how to “skip count” and add two digit numbers… I’ve already taught her how to add and subtract with regrouping and she’s doing third grade math here at home on the weekends and during school breaks. I’m so miserable with her in public school. I can’t wait until next year when we will be homeschooling. I would have to petition the school board to get her out of there at this point in the school year and I just can’t fight it with my son still at home and my husband deployed. I just wish my baby didn’t have to suffer for someone else’s paycheck. I’m going to prepare something and schedule a meeting with her teacher, principal, and guidance counselor after she’s enrolled in K12, just so we can all be on the same page that their school failed my daughter. Really sucks because her teacher last year was absolutely fabulous. I still check in with her and she can’t believe what they are doing to my girl.
First, I must say that it makes me sad to read that my blog makes you sad. Oh, I don’t want that. But yes, there were times that were, honestly, horrible. Oh my goodness so much of your story sounds familiar. It’s like reliving Teddy’s 1st grade year. 1st and 3rd grade were our low point. And yes, who you work with, who is teaching your child makes ALL the difference. I am now so far removed from K-12 and special ed law but I did do a little research before I wrote you back and it looks like from what I read, a diagnosis of autism should qualify your daughter for an IEP. If you have been told differently, I would go above her teacher, above the counselor and the principal. If you haven’t already, I would be contacting the district’s special ed director and ask why there is no IEP. Sounds like they are in violation of the law. If they give you the run around, which I know some districts will do as they did to us, then contact a special education attorney. The first visit will be a consult, where they will review the details and give you a preliminary idea if you have a case. The consult should be free. If it isn’t, call another attorney. We finally had to go this route. We filed due process, settled with the school system and got Teddy a full time aide and counseling. As part of the settlement the school system paid all our legal expenses. And as a consequence of the suit, in addition to the services, the school system treated us very well for the 9 years until Ted graduated. Sadly, there are some who will push you until you push back. Does this suck, absolutely, but it is what it is. I know you know all of this but I felt compelled to tell you still. When I was in the middle of this, where you are now, it was difficult, it wore me out and made me sad. I was so in the thick of it I could not possibly see there could ever be an end and that it could all work out. But I also want to tell you that it does. It does end. And it does work out. You love your daughter and you will do for her what you need to. And it will be okay in the end. It will. You just have to keep doing what you have to do and then one day, in this most wonderful way, it will be okay. Thanks again for stopping by. I am so glad you shared your story.
Last year (in first grade) she was deemed “mainstreamed” and formally exited from the IEP program. At the time, I was told we could reevaluate as needed in the future. This school year, I am being told she was exited from the program and they are refusing to do a full assessment because she appears typical in the classroom. She does well in the classroom because of the rigid routine and structure. The problem comes as they integrate interdependency into the curriculum and rely on the child to do more for themselves, it’s leaving my daughter hurt and confused. She’s only six years old, they cannot expect the same level of independent behavior that they do from the eight year olds in her class and they fail to recognize this. They wont even assess her this year and I’m done. They will lose funding when I pull her out next Spring and even more than normal because we are a military family and they get additional subsidies for that too. With K12, she will learn from home and is able to work at her own pace and it transfers from state to state, so if the Army says “move”, we can do it with little interference with her education.
Thank you for your kind words. Sometimes it’s good to hear things we already know. Helps to process the information in another way.
I am so glad you have a Plan B you are happy with. There are so many homeschooling options now and so much educational support on-line I think it is a terrific option and it will bring you much needed relief. From what you have written here, your school district sounds clueless. Absolutely, totally, completely clueless, and I don’t think I will ever get over so-called professionals earning a tax-payer funded paycheck at the expense of our children. There are so many wonderful teachers out there and sadly, there are some that should simply get out of education and away from children, entirely. Best of luck to you and your little ones as you forge ahead on your journey!